Older Women, Younger Men: New Options for Love and Romance Paperback – September 1, 2000

Now that I've finished this book, I can only say that it reflects very well some of my experiences, obstacles and challenges when dating younger men. Surprisingly and sadly enough, despite the book having been first been published in 2000, is still fresh and relevant two decades later.MAIN TAKEAWAYS> Our culture has double standards for age differences between both sexes that are demeaning and damaging for women and are based on patriarchal views of relationships and of what a woman brings to a relationship for this to be successful.> Couples with important age differences face the same challenges as other couples, and succeed and fail in the same ways and as much.> Inter-age relationships in which the woman is much older are a new paradigm in relationships that hasn't sunk in in our culture as yet. These couples are creating new archetypal ways of relating, have to make their way on their own, and can’t look to former relationship models to guide them through this journey.> Despite what your friends or the media tells you, there are gazillion examples of happy durable inter-age relationships in which the woman is older or much older.> The book offers practical sound advice to face both partner's family and peers, on how to deal with women's own doubts about the relationship and body image, and advice on who not to become your younger partner's mother, teacher or just smother him, among other things. There are many real life examples and we get to see both sides, men's and women's who are/were in this kind of relationship and are/were happy and fulfilled.> Courtship old-style works also in this kind of relationships.> The fact that men are much younger doesn't ever excuse their bad behavior.> The authors reminds us of what true intimacy is and what is not is so obvious and so poignant.> It debunks the myth that all young men who date older women are gigolos and also the myth that these older women have a wounded ego and/or are nymphomaniacs.> There are many challenges specific to this kind of relationships.> This quote from one of the real life stories: “God,” I prayed, “send me someone who loves my body more than I do.” (p. 154).> You may not be what his family expected him to bring home and you may not have been their choice as his mate, but a family who truly is invested in their son’s happiness will see the benefits and happiness you bring to his life. (pp. 180-181).DOWNSIDES> Perhaps the main downside of the book is the fact that the book feels a bit repetitive at times re the existence of double standards and the patriarchal weight on the views on this kind of relationships.> Some of the examples come from couples whose age difference isn't even 10 years, something that I personally don't consider a bit deal, and is widely accepted nowadays.> As this is a Kindle edition, I would have loved a bit of update been made using new psychology and relationships studies and the evolution of relationships in society.KINDLE EDITION.A good edition overall, but the two links provided re websites to dating without age restrictions mentioned at the end of the book aren't longer current.

Oh my goodness. I wish I had read this book ages ago! I have always liked younger men. I am surrounded by younger men where I work and live. I often find myself attracted to younger men and many of them are attracted to me. I am a fit 51 year old woman who is independent, attractive, I own my own home and I drive a nice car. A lot of men my age are intimidated by that and a lot of younger men find it "hot." I take care of myself and am in better shape than many women much younger. Why would I even want to settle for a man whose idea of exercise is getting off the couch to grab another beer? When an older man says: "She's got to have at least one body part that's outrageous -- great legs, a terrific ass, something... I need to feel sexually attracted to her." What he means is: "Even though my skin is saggy, my stomach is huge and there's more hair on my back than on my head, SHE needs to be beautiful and well preserved. After all, I'm a man, and I'm historically entitled to youth and beauty, even though I have neither." I feel so liberated and at peace after reading this book and when my "friends" tell me, "What will you do when he finds someone more age appropriate and dumps you?" Really?! Although I am not fond of the term "cougar," I do love younger men and this book was tastefully written and filled with case studies about real people. No, it isn't all about the sex!

This book covers the challenges and benefits of a type of relationship not often seen or understood - that of the older woman and the younger man. The authors interviewed numerous older woman/younger man couples for the book. Although some of the interviewees are women in their 30s, the book is geared more toward women in their 40s and 50s who are dating men more than 10 years younger than themselves. It covers everything from managing comments from strangers, dealing with disapproving friends and family, handling insecurity and fear, to more everyday issues such as who pays, what to do when you make more money than he does, how to avoid playing mommy, etc.The most interesting part of this book is that it focuses on intimate relationships. It is NOT a "cougar" book that advises women to find young studs for hot sex. Instead, it encourages women to simply be open to younger men, and shows women that true intimacy and commitment can be found with younger men. And, as a 30-something who has dated several men in their 20s, I can personally say that the authors' points all ring true. If you are interested in a younger man, pick up this book, and give the relationship a chance.

I really appreciated the honesty about the mortifying moments. This book was written 13 years ago but I don't think society has progressed all that far. I would have liked to have read more about sex and body image perhaps because that is my fear. I also noticed that every description of the older woman was -established career, financially well off. There are a lot of us that don't fit into that category and the constant reference to that type of woman was depressing. I am a widow and in the five years of nursing my dying husband and the year since he passed I have lost most everything and I am trying to get my footing. Having a much younger man interested in me is jarring. LOL Not having all my ducks in a row makes me feel unworthy and that was the negative in this book.This book had a lot of insights that I appreciate. It made me realize that time would make things more comfortable and I won't see his youth as quite so obvious and threatening. I also liked the confirmation that this type of relationship can be whatever you decide it is. You define it as you would like it.

very interesting

I wish I had read this book a lot sooner because it would have helped my mindset and beliefs about older women and younger men. (not to mention the prospect of more dating options)The authors have done a great job in explaining the dynamics of this particular May/December romance and they're so spot on with how women think of themselves and being with younger men. Believe me, I had every thought mentioned in the book going through my mind and other female friends have voiced the same concerns and issues.It's a very empowering, feminist book (by feminist I mean empowering women to feel confident about themselves and not about hating men) which has really opened up my way of thinking.At 50 years of age, I find I'm attracting younger men and I welcome it. Like other women have commented in the book (and in real life), men my age tend to be rather staid, boring, rigid and definitely sexist in their attitudes towards women, especially older women.No thanks, I'd rather date younger men.

I have become involved with a man 18 years younger than me - and it was quite a shock to me - and I did not know how to react or what to do with this love. Reading this book has calmed a lot of my fears, and addresses the real problems an older woman will encounter in such a situation. I highly recommend this book. It is not sexist or shallow as some has suggested. If you find yourself in this situation you will discover much truth in this book, and it will enable you to just enjoy what has come your way, for however long. The man in my life wants our relationship to last a long time, and romances me like no other man has. Who could say no to that at any age? I would encourage young men interested in an older woman to read this book. It may help you to win her heart.

I appreciate the effort put forth to help women who are in this situation. This is my first relationship of this nature and I needed some information to help ground me. This was very helpful and helped me except this man into my life. I’m am not regretting it at all! Lol

Explores the challenges faced by couples and individuals within this type of pairing. Really reinforces the need for older women to be self confident and unapologetic about who they are. The focus on really younger men was a bit distracting - even a difference of a few years can seem a huge gulf given current societal norms around relationships.